(I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens; only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands
— EE Cummings

I met the charismatic Russian Blue / Main Coon mix, aka Little Bear Wolfe - Beary to his friends at Berkeley Animal Services in Berkeley CA, in the autumn of 2007. Not looking to adopt per se - I donated some pet supplies and found myself looking through the cages thinking how I could rescue and or find homes for everyone lucky enough tho have been brought to the shelter.

It was beautiful autumn day when I spied - Little Bear but at first I did not see him. He was at the back of his cage which was high up in toward the back of the shelter and he was checking ME out:)! Long ears as pronounced nose and a handsome long fluffy tail - Little Bear street wise and weary was none the less eager to find a person he could adopt and go home with - that person was me.

Hello what is your name? aahh Bear is that what they call you

"Well my real name is Jackson but you can call me Little Bear - on account as I am only seven weeks old btw do you have a treat I am kind of hungry - or some smokes? (I could use to barter with later?:)" 

( He grinned a devilish but honest grim which compelled me to ask about adopting him - I did )

Although he hesitated when I put the carrier down and opened the door Bear hesitated before he ran about the bungalow in search of  "his room". Little Bear was shy and became adept at stealing food during the night. After the house went to sleep he would use what looked like military tactics to gain food and water use the latrine pull in toys and retreat back to the safety of the library where he held up ( and most likely learned to read:)

Over the years he became strong grew BIG and his purple paw pads, bright green lime colored eyes and long haired smoke colored coats were  what got "all the girls to love him" He walked like he "owned the place" and was quite happy looking out the window at passers by, the garden  the squirrels and the birds - he even said hello to the raccoons who often visited on the back porch.

When I moved the non profit to Los Angeles late last summer, he was looking forward to making  a fresh start with me and the other animals he lived with - he handled the car ride from San Francisco Bay Area like he was well traveled:)  When we settled into our hotel room When we He said... "he loved LA and looked forward to the time when My Darling Theo had a permanent home he kissed me grabbed a bite and fell asleep at my feet.  

During the months we have been in in SoCAL he appeared fine - no health issues at all. Back in 2009 I came home from work one night late and he was on the counter with his leg up in the air crying ( I rushed him to Pets Referral in Berkeley, CA and he was diagnosed with crystals and the doctors unblocked his penis and sent him home - other than that he has  ( appeared ) to be in full and complete health which is why I am shocked that he is gone.

This morning my Mobile Vet Doctor and technician arrived to cut the animals nails. Little Bear is always the last  one  because he is good at being incognito it took a while for us to locate him. Not shy or retiring he does not like people  as he mentioned to me: "I do not like nor trust people, humans have to earn my respect as I have been bamboozled before ( I met you of course )" Little Bear always spoke to me in third person because he  did not believe humans really understood felines:)

The doctor wrapped Little Bear in a blanket and cut his nails without incident. After I bid adieu to the veterinary team I gave out wet treats to the animals. Little Bear did not come down to get his favorite dish - Turkey and Duck. No more than ten minutes had passed between the time I found him and the time the doctor had left when I pulled him out from under a bed  and found him palpatating, foamy mouth eyes bugged as if he was suffocating. I called the doctor back but he was in traffic and could not reach me for another 30-40 mins. I frankly and in a panic told the admin at Mobile Vet that I could not wait that long and even if he was having " an asthmatic attack ) - recall he had no history of asthma he needed to see a doctor or I felt he would die.

I hung up the phone grabbed Little Bear and ran ( literally ) to  Best Friends announced:

"Emergency! I need to see someone now please" I continued  to provide the staff with his history and:

"No smoke in the house no aerosols, no drugs, no people,  no kids, no poison, he's indoors only, he has not been in an altercation, he has not eaten anything "funky" no human food - he only got his nails cut, last  night he was running around the house with his best friend Pyewacket ( a little black kitty ) and he appeared to be fine" I yammered yelled and blurted out shaking and sweating.

The staff took him in the back I gave them my credit card and signed off on all of the emergency procedures necessary to make him better. The attending physician initially said it could be a severe panic attack asthma or diabetes but after she took x-rays and got a second opinion it was concluded that Little Bear Wolfe tough, charismatic, intelligent, handsome friend was suffering from congestive heart failure - his lungs were filled to capacity with liquid and nodules most likely cancer  - despite having a credit card Little Bear Wolfe and I were out of time.

Little Bear Wolfe was found digging in trash cans with his sister an orange long haired white tipped tabby - Genevieve  ( who is the face of My Darling Theo on  our Facebook Page ) and later brought to Berkeley Animal Services where I found and adopted him. I  had the  privilege of growing with hime, loving him and getting to know him  for almost nine years , a complex  yet compassionate personality I will miss his bravado, insight and companionship if he were a man perhaps he would have been a line backer because he was 22 lbs and almost four feet long - we referred to him as Big Boned:).


I held him in my arms and he was put to sleep I can still smell his sweet fishy breath and warm soft fur although his eyes turned an empty black when he passed I still saw in them the brilliant green  which is his signature I love that cat:)

The doctor said in no uncertain terms I did nothing wrong and she knew  by his exam and the way Little Bear reacted toward me even moments before he died suffering as he was that he loved  and trusted me with his life. Little Bear Wolfe crossed the rainbow bridge at 1:15pm this afternoon PST.

I went into detail because I want you to know that sometimes life throws you a hard ball and you don't - you can't see it coming the lesson is this:

1. Love the animals you spend your life with

2.Give the the best - they would do the same for you

3. Use the intelligence God gave you and listen to your pets ( If I had waited for the Mobile Vet to return little bear would have died and continued to suffer at least with the Veterinary practice down the street he had a fighting chance and I was able to  spend a tiny bit more time with him:)

There was no way of knowing Little Bears lungs were full of fluid and nodules until today, the doctor said she was glad for me and him that I did not come home to find him dead on the floor - alone.

In between my tears and head bashing I take a wee bit of comfort knowing that my twin sister, mother and best friend loved him too ( so even though the cat known as Little Bear Wolfe ) "did not trust nor talk directly to humans because I could not trust them" - he knew that he was loved just the way he was:)

In loving memory of Little Bear Wolfe.

Be Well LOVE YOUR FOUR LEGGED FRIENDS - and thank you for your support and encouragement:)