The Big Brown Cow: The Pig, PAY BACK!

how now brown cow jpeg.jpg

"Lady Brown Cow what time is it" 

"Oh around noon I suspect my eyes are not what they used to be" 

"Lady Brown Cow thank you for looking after my piglets I am tired and sickly as you know and I do appreciate your taking my babies under your haunches" ( the two farm animals laughed )

"No worries Mrs. Pig, I love your piglets as my own - I would let nothing harm them I am old and I have lived many lives and I want to see this generation of farm animals thrive."

"Many blessings to you Lady Brown Cow  ( said the tired and beaten five times over  -Mother Pig ) - I must go lay down now, my legs are trembling and my wounds have not healed from the last "Friday Night Stomp" - I know this is too much to ask and I don't mean to intrude in any way but PLEASE look after my three piglets I don't want them to know the pain of the "Stomp" as I knave known it, I am weary and been made old, my days are numbered" ( and Mrs. Pig fell into a sleep filled stupor where she stood ).

"Don't you worry Mrs. Pig ( Lady Cow uttered, in a tiny whisper only Mrs. Pig could hear ) I will take good care of your piglets" ( and the cow walked away covering Mrs. Pig in a hay blanket  where only she could find her, in the back of the barn. 


-------- The Auctioneer / Barn Square Dance Master Sang:

OK, Ok, ok --- how now--- OK- OK- how now ------bring your partner closer

How now

Bring your partner closer

How now

Bring your partner closer

Now now,

Oh what? "how now" said the long fed cow--------

  ( Applause )

Jeremy and R.T. were local boys who after just two beers and two shots of "JD" needed RRFCT ( Rest and Relaxation from Cow Tipping ) every other Friday night when their boredom was at its peak. Pigs, Cows, Chickens and their off spring dreaded this night ( the ones who survived this vicious attack  which lasted all of 30 - 45 minutes or until the "boys" got "wore out" from "stompin" and "flaming" the "moving things" in  the coop and the barn". 

"Don't you do it, thats my Mommas flowers she planted them for the Veterans Day Parade" 

 "Shut up R.T. I just had to whiz before I let it off at the Farm this here is "Stomping Night" and i want to get it off the steam before I fall on my face - this beer and JD takes it from me ya know?" Jeremy said with a snigger as he put his ( very ) late model Ford pickup in  park and exited the vehicle pulling his pants up  ( before they fell again ) as his flashlight shown on the back door of the main Penbrook ( the main barn where the fowl and the pigs and the baby calfs laid wait until their slaughter the next day ).

"Hello Ladies and Gentlemen"

"Wake up you Beetches"

It's "Stompin Time" 

Jeremy and R.T. preceded to pull the Chicks and the Chickens, Pigs and Piglets, Calfs and the Cows from their pens and stomp beat and throw them against walls, pen doors , cage walls and  live electrical fixtures at will.

"Take that you too you lonesome F&cks"

"Where do you - whoo you ( he slugged down the remainder of his beer before flinging his beer bottle at a battle of chicks ) flee bitten doves think your join" ( the chickens went flying against their cages ) 

"Now! down off of my boots! you lonesome heel riders" ( the pigs were left on the heel of the boots after they were stomped and he tore the dead ones off with a tire iron ) 

Lady Brown Cow was in the field when she heard the report from frightened survivors. 

Hoofs planted deep in the soil and her muzzle held high she charged the barn and lifted the "boys":high above her head. One flew high above her while the other landed back first against the old iron pump. 

 "Why you old prick of a cow Fu^ck You Bitch ( and Jeremy went after her )

Lady Brown Cow and Black Horse Raider charged the two downed men

 "You old Fu&*^$ Old Sow, I'm gonna make cow paddy's out of you, you Fu*&*&ng old heifer ( R.T. wiped off the collected barn shit off his face and upper chest before charging the Old Great Cow )

 "Whoo hoo, come  on now  little Piglets come to daddy you little F%ckers come to daddy" Jeremy bellowed, stumbling into the Pig pen chasing after the scared Pig and the Piglets.  

Lady Brown Cow ducked and  R.T. fell into the "cruncher" the large, iron tumbler where live cows war turned and slit until all the blood was drained from their bodies ( rolled tossed and twisted), Barns Hands found him whiter than white and shriveled still with his eyes wide open in the morning mangled in the old "Religious defined" machine.

Jeremy tumbled out of the chicken coup where he had thrown and tossed chicks and hens around like they were fodder for  batting day and he was tired and stumbled onto the pig pen. Lady Brown Cow summoned the Sheep and they surveyed the damage. Broken bones blood and wings torn asunder, Lady Brown cow  turned and heaped fast through the grass after Jeremy looking forward to what lay ahead for him. The sun rise found Jeremy lain spread eagle ( what was left ) in the flogging shaft under a pile of dead chickens - he was naked and sans "pecker"


Lady brown cow and Black Horse buried Mrs, Pig in the filed above the Great Barn where the wild flowers and the Fennel grow. 

The ceremony was small but significant, Representatives from neighboring farms were in attendance  and vowed that the abuse of farm animals in their jurisdiction would  stop and be avenged when allowed to  go on by humans. Animal abuse in the county was decreased by 75% following the deaths of Jeremy and R.T. Lady Brown Cow and Black Horse were never seen again. 



This Halloween story is fictional but remember: Farm Animals get abused DAILY by Billy Bobs and their brethren. YOU can help prevent this become a vegetarian tell farmers who farm animals for their meat that this business model  ( for the sake of our future ) should be  thing of the past. Have a safe and happy Halloween and Day of the Dead - Alyssia for My Darling Theo